http://www.straighttalktnt.com/ en straighttalkTNT@gmail.com Copyright 2013 2013-05-14T17:42:14+00:00 http://www.straighttalktnt.com/teen-advice/entry/heres-to-you-mrs.-robinson http://www.straighttalktnt.com/teen-advice/entry/heres-to-you-mrs.-robinson#When:17:42:14Z Editor's Note: I wish “Seduced” had provided a valid email address so he could’ve had our advice sooner. Most people write us anonymously, but for anyone so nervous that they want to use a fake email address, consider creating a separate email address instead. Then we can respond quickly. Generally, there is a lag before we actually make a column. Or sometimes we don’t make a column at all, but still help via email. All that said, “Seduced,” if I have scared you into action, good. The longer you keep seeing this woman, the deeper she will become attached. Anyone finding themselves trading sex for money (or jewelry, favors, cars, etc.), needs to be very careful breaking up. For best results return what can be returned, don’t break up in person – or choose a very public setting, be kind but firm, make yourself scarce from the person afterward, change your routine as much as possible, and discourage all future engagement. (Tip: Retrieve any possessions that you care about ahead of time as you may never see them again.) Most importantly, have support from people who know where you are and what is going on. Don’t hesitate to go to the police if you are being stalked, harassed, or even just have a bad feeling.  Regarding cougar hookups in general, some are mutually fulfilling and I’ve known one or two that have turned into committed relationships. Benjamin Franklin lauded seeing older women over younger women. But all sexual partnering requires discernment — and nobody wants to be used. Sometimes with older women, there is more baggage on board (old wounds, abandonments, medications, money, or lack thereof, children, etc.) than a young man is competent to handle. And when one party is under the age of consent, it’s obviously so uncool that even the law sets boundaries. The potential for abuse of power is simply too great. A common mistake young men have with older women is the assumption that they (the women) aren’t sexually active and that there is no need for a condom. Maybe in Ben Franklin’s era this was true, but you can’t assume anything with mature or senior women today. Some are very sexually active. In addition, this age group (including men) contains some of the worst offenders when it comes to lack of protection. They rank almost as bad as teenagers. So, no matter how much you can’t fathom sweet little Ms. McGillicutty getting regular action, assume you are naïve (because you are) and use a condom. —Lauren Straight Talk TNT.ORG is a nonprofit that tackles youth’s toughest issues with youth’s wisest advice.Thanks to donations like yours, our acclaimed column benefits over 1 million people a week. Click here to join our effort with a contribution! Dear Straight Talk: I'm 17 and being seduced by a "Mrs. Robinson.” She’s a rich divorced friend of my mom's in her 40s, in great shape and very attractive. First she offered me good money to do yard work. Then she started giving me wine afterwards. Then she seduced me. Now she gives me really big tips for the excellent "yard work.” I feel guilty and almost like a male prostitute. However, she's hard to resist and I'd be lying if I said I didn't like the money. A friend says her actions are illegal and I should blackmail her. I don't want to blackmail her or get her in trouble, I just want to tell her it’s over, but I keep doing it "one more time" and can't stop myself. I appreciate any advice. — Seduced in Petaluma, Calif. Sex - In General, Age of Consent, Breaking Up, Obsessions, 2013-05-14T17:42:14+00:00 http://www.straighttalktnt.com/teen-advice/entry/should-mom-share-her-prom-night-story http://www.straighttalktnt.com/teen-advice/entry/should-mom-share-her-prom-night-story#When:18:11:53Z Editor's Note: Prom season is here. For some teens, especially seniors, it can feel like their "last hurrah" of high school. And many college kids are coming home to their "first hurrah" of summer. Parents: Let your kids know that they never need to feel too insecure to stand up to peer pressure. A story of your own that involves what can happen when you don't love yourself enough can go a long way if used tactfully and without details. Hollywood may gain audiences with gratuitous sex and drug scenes, but you will only gag your kids with a spoon. Pick your stories carefully (most are best left on the shelf till everyone's over 30), keep them G-rated, and focus on lessons learned. Many kids do unconsciously want to emulate you, so consider stories that feature a friend in the "starring" role. Stories from the news are good, too. There are things happening commonly today, that were not in our stories. Being raped while passed-out from drinking or being slipped a "roofie" are two such newer stories. See our most current column on date rape drugs and one on being raped while passed out to understand today's terrain. (Our comment forms were broken when these columns were written. If you'd like to add comments, please do!) Most rapists do not put videos up on Facebook; they get off completely free.  Go over safety precautions: • Never send a drunk to a bedroom to sleep it off. • Never drag a passed-out person to a bedroom or other private location. • Keep your friends in your sight at all times. • To avoid being slipped a date-rape drug, keep your drink in your hand at all times. • Discard a drink if you leave it unattended. • Don't drink out of communal punch bowls. • Take steps to identify and turn in suspected or known rapists. • Always have a designated driver so you and your friends can leave anytime. • Call your parents for help. Encourage your kids to call you (not as a party buddy, but someone who understands that things can happen), and you will come pick them up wherever and in whatever condition. When someone knows you think this highly of their character, it actually increases their resiliency, self-esteem, and decision-making abilities. —Lauren Dear Straight Talk: My daughter, 17, always attends prom. She is curious about my prom experience. I wasn't popular in high school, but right before graduating, a boy I'd just met asked me to his school's prom. WOW! I was making prom after all. (Back then, a date was required.) It turned out to be a triple date — to the Motel 6 with a trunk load of booze! I, alone, was blind to the plan. To my credit, I didn't sleep with my date even though the other couples pressured me. On the other hand, I was too insecure to ask to be taken home, or, duh — to PROM! Instead I got totally plastered and wasn't taken home until 5 AM. The panel probably wants me to share this, but what does Lauren say about 'sensible' sharing for this and other wild times? — Toledo, Ohio Family Life - In General, The Sex Talk (see also Sex), Date Rape , Date Rape (see also Dating), Rape, Peer Pressure, Alcohol, Date Rape Drugs, 2013-05-07T18:11:53+00:00 http://www.straighttalktnt.com/teen-advice/entry/shy-freshman-mortified-over-school-showers http://www.straighttalktnt.com/teen-advice/entry/shy-freshman-mortified-over-school-showers#When:17:11:21Z Editor's Note: I don't blame high schools for not making showers mandatory in our current personal-rights and lawsuit-happy climate. We did a column on this topic nearly three years ago (AUG 4, 2010) and I continue to find the demise of school showers fascinating sociologically. I can't help but notice that the showers started shutting down at the same time that online pornography was revving up. Simple coincidence? Segregated men's and women's bathing rituals used to be one of the most natural things in the world. Has pornography sexualized the idea of basic nudity making everyone paranoid? One panelist thinks the rise of the bisexual and gay scene has something to do with it. I'm sure everyone carrying a camera on their phone isn't helping things either. Readers: I'm curious about this. What are your thoughts on the demise of the school shower? —Lauren Straight Talk TNT.ORG is a nonprofit that tackles youth’s toughest issues with youth’s wisest advice.Thanks to donations like yours, our acclaimed column benefits over 1 million people a week. Click here to join our effort with a contribution! Dear Straight Talk: I'm a high school freshman and very private about my body. I can't handle anybody seeing me naked except my sister and my best friend. Not even my mom. Our gym teacher told us, with hot weather coming, everyone will have to shower, no exceptions! She says modesty is no excuse because "you're all the same." Our locker room ONLY has communal showers. I'm not overweight or anything, but I will die of embarrassment. I can barely handle changing into my gym clothes publicly. My sister (a junior) has no problem with the communal showers, so maybe I got this from my mom who we've never seen nude. Am I alone in wanting privacy? Please help! — Private in No Cal School - In General, Nudity, Body Image, 2013-04-30T17:11:21+00:00 http://www.straighttalktnt.com/teen-advice/entry/brother-blackmailed-over-condoms http://www.straighttalktnt.com/teen-advice/entry/brother-blackmailed-over-condoms#When:18:21:52Z Editor's Note: I refer to “minors” in my answer above because “Blackmailed” was writing from California where age of consent is 18, one of the highest in the world. Only six other U.S. states have an age of consent this high, as well as a small number of countries worldwide (some with ages higher than 18). In the U.S., 31 states use an age of consent of 16 — including Hawaii which upped theirs from age 14 just a few years ago — and the remaining 13 states use age 17. Many states have “close-in-age” exemptions (sometimes called "Romeo and Juliet” laws) where partners close in age, or who are both under the age of consent, can engage in consensual sex without fear of prosecution. Around the world, most countries allow heterosexual consensual sexual relations to legally begin between ages 14 and 16, including most of Europe. Examples of large countries with a heterosexual age of consent of 14 are China and Brazil. Russia’s is age 15, and much of the rest of the world is age 16, including Canada, who upped their age of consent from 14 to 16 in 2008 to discourage internet predators. Interestingly, except for the U.S. and a few other countries, age of consent for homosexuals is generally a higher age, if not illegal. Personally, I think age 16 or 17 is a realistic legal age of consent for teens in the United States. And regardless of where you live, anything under age 14 (and there are a few countries like this), makes women less free by encouraging child-brides and less education and opportunity for women. To those with younger siblings, your behavior has a huge influence on them. Most of you care about each other (or will down the road). Set a good example, or at least be discreet, so they don’t start things earlier than you did — which is what usually happens. Even without pregnancy, heartache, or STIs, sex too young can be destabilizing. If you are sexually active and your younger sibling finds out, open communication with parents sets a great example of the responsible thing to do. —Lauren Straight Talk TNT.ORG is a nonprofit that tackles youth’s toughest issues with youth’s wisest advice.Thanks to donations like yours, our acclaimed column reaches over 1 million people a week. Click here to join our effort with a contribution! Dear Straight Talk: I'm 16, sharing a room with my 13-year-old sister because our single-parent mom can’t afford otherwise. My sister snooped, found my hidden condoms and now she's blackmailing me. I have to pay her from my part-time job, which barely covers my expenses, make her bed and clean her part of the room. If she tells, I'll be grounded and probably unable to see my girlfriend anymore. My girlfriend and I both turn 17 this year, have over a B average and have never been in trouble. You might say we shouldn't be having sex at our age, but it’s not uncommon and I’m writing about the blackmail. — Blackmailed in Sacramento Conflict - In General, Male Issues, Relationships - In General, Sex - In General, Age of Consent, Birth Control, Sibling Issues, 2013-04-23T18:21:52+00:00 http://www.straighttalktnt.com/teen-advice/entry/big-sis-wants-lil-sis-to-forgive-her http://www.straighttalktnt.com/teen-advice/entry/big-sis-wants-lil-sis-to-forgive-her#When:15:05:36Z Editor's Note: I know excruciatingly cruel bullies from high school who grew up to be kind, caring adults who look back in utter perplexity at their now-foreign adolescent state of mind. I also know the nice kids who were the victims of these bullies who never got past it and grew up cramped by a continued hatred. I'm not excusing bullying— it's horrible. Look what it can do to a life! My point is, no matter which side of the bully-victim coin you were/are on, once you're out of the situation, FORGIVENESS allows you to move past it and become whole.  Since today's column is from someone who made a grave mistake, I want to talk about the silver lining of mistakes, especially whoppers, which are harder for the mind to weasel out of. The advantage they give a person is the opportunity to become humble. These people are given direct access to their humanity, their "inner fool." Contrast this with the more perfect among us, who avoided glaring mistakes — or were given blue ribbons for them. These people can sometimes develop a pride in themselves that makes it extremely difficult to admit shortcomings or mistakes. This can be a handicap to creativity or teamwork. If you aren't free to make mistakes, you are less creative, and if you are always pointing the finger elsewhere and manipulating stories in order to keep up appearances, it soon becomes annoying to teammates and bosses. The Blame Game is as old as humanity and springs from Pride, the deadliest of the Seven Deadly Sins. Even the most blatant blunderers fall victim to Pride and craft excuses or further attack their victim so they can appear virtuous. And "perfect" ones are entering the workplace in force as the hover-parented Millennial Generation with its high narcissistic index comes of age. I know of one startup company that made a "Failure Wall" where employees could write their failures publicly and realize it's okay to be human. Let's all make a mistake today (you probably already did) — and admit it! Consider it a spiritual practice. —Lauren Straight Talk TNT.ORG is a nonprofit that tackles youth’s toughest issues with youth’s wisest advice.Thanks to donations like yours, our acclaimed column reaches over 1 million people a week. Click here to join our effort with a contribution! Dear Straight Talk: I’m ashamed to say I was like "No Slut's" sister [column MAR 26]. In addition to having a terrible reputation, which gave my younger sister a bad reputation, I did everything to make her life miserable. The few friends she did make, I drove away. I laughed at her when she was naked, calling her body “gross,” and found it funny when she cried. She begged to share a room with our younger brother, but our mom would allow it. She thought my sister was exaggerating and brushed it off as sibling rivalry. I’m mature now and have changed. I feel terrible and wish like anything to beg for forgiveness and make it up to her. But I don’t know how to approach her or if the damage can be undone. We hardly see each other now except at unavoidable family occasions and she hardly speaks to me. — S.T. Conflict - In General, Bullying, Sibling Issues, Abusive, Friendship, 2013-04-16T15:05:36+00:00 http://www.straighttalktnt.com/teen-advice/entry/toxic-stress-bad-diet-huge-problems http://www.straighttalktnt.com/teen-advice/entry/toxic-stress-bad-diet-huge-problems#When:19:09:55Z Editor's Note: Our lifestyles and institutional systems are failing our children miserably. Half the children in America today are being raised by single mothers. Even in two-parent families, most young parents are ultra stressed-out working full time for wages so low they lack the energy and money to put anything but fast food on the table when they get home. Many Infants and toddlers not only consume pounds of sugar and processed foods, but they "soak up" their parents' stress like sponges. These two factors, alone, are disastrous for the developing brain. Just add "Kool-Aid." Allowed — or placed — in front of the tube, kids become hyper while soaking up more toxic stress — not to mention mind-numbing conditioning. By age 6, according to the Kaiser Family Foundation, the average kid has watched 5000-6000 hours of TV containing nearly 200,000 'violent' events and 60,000 junk food ads. Apply a BAD Band-Aid called "Kindergarten." The lovely, imaginative "children's garden" of the past is now a mini pressure-cooker, a "brave new first grade", especially toxic to boys, all of whom are developmentally unsuited to sit quietly and begin reading and writing this young. The solution? Drug them. Currently 11 percent of school-age children are diagnosed with ADHD, most of them boys — (in high school, it's nearly 1 in 5 boys) — and prescribed drugs to "make their minds right." Girls suffer in this system, too. For both sexes, the current state of public school adds more toxic stress, dulls imagination, and destroys love of learning. The BAD MOVIE continues through the grades and high school: more toxic food, more toxic stress at home, even greater amounts of toxic TV and screen media, little time outdoors, tons of homework, schools more worried about test scores than teaching, toxic trauma from school punishments (for acting out — a natural given the lifestyle), and somewhere between ages 7 and 12 (again mostly boys, which then affects girls), kids start their 10,000 hours of hard-core pornography and violent video games. Did nobody take 4-H? If farm animals raised on this regime didn't DIE on the spot, they would certainly be sick, weak, infertile, and going mad. Which, coincidently, is exactly what we have. Obesity, diabetes, heart disease, high blood pressure and asthma are standard childhood problems. Infertility is skyrocketing for young adults. Educators and police are scrambling for expertise in dealing with mental health issues as they are becoming as prevalent as melting icebergs. Somehow I remain optimistic (they say it's a born trait) and I want to empower parents to take the lead. The most effective, simple, zero-cost way to un-poison your child is to eliminate the TV and prohibit screen media like computers and smart phones until high school (allowing them then with limits). Eating habits will automatically improve without the hyper-stimulation and corporate brain-branding of junk food and other unhealthy products. And everyone has 2 - 5 more hours a day available! Without "junk" poisoning body and brain, kids are calm, able to read, think and learn, seek guidance from parents, and the out-of-doors. You'll get calm, too. It's actually easy to raise kids like this. (Don't worry, your kids will catch up on how to use the technology. It's designed for lowest-common-denominator use.) Sanity and Greatness. Step One is getting off the Kool-Aid at home. If people did this in numbers, the fog would clear within months and a sane rebuilding of our public schools could begin. And even if only a few of you do it, your family will be healthier and the schools I complain about more do-able. Try it today, the NON-Kool-Aid Test! I guarantee it!  —Lauren Straight Talk TNT.ORG is a nonprofit that tackles youth’s toughest issues with youth’s wisest advice.Thanks to donations like yours, our acclaimed column reaches over 1 million people a week. Click here to join our effort with a contribution! Dear Straight Talk: I have the opportunity to observe teenagers without being a teacher, administrator or counselor. I notice three things: 1) Those getting into trouble have stressful home lives and parent issues. 2) These kids commonly eat candy or candy-like cereal for breakfast — if anything — and their day continues with sodas and processed food. 3) They are often unhealthy, depressed and have mental-health issues. My heart breaks for these kids. Could you please address these observations? I can't help but find them related. — Silent Observer Family Life - In General, Health - In General, Food & Nutrition, Media - In General, Optimum World, School - In General, 2013-04-09T19:09:55+00:00 http://www.straighttalktnt.com/teen-advice/entry/do-i-tell-on-sibling-regarding-adderall-use http://www.straighttalktnt.com/teen-advice/entry/do-i-tell-on-sibling-regarding-adderall-use#When:19:40:13Z Editor’s Note: After our column two weeks ago, we received several letters from young people sharing dormitories or bedrooms with students strung out on Adderall or Adderall-like stimulants. To all of you — including those in dorm rooms who wish you had a different dorm-mate, or to MaryEllen whose hall has so many users, she wishes the dorms could be divided into “users” and “nonusers” — I urge you to take action by telling the student’s parents, if possible, or the dean’s office. Whether you blow the whistle anonymously or not, I don’t care, just blow it loud and clear. At the very least it will start waking people up. For halls like MaryEllen’s, maybe put a petition together from the non-users so there is weight in numbers when you present it to the dean’s office. If you are communicating with parents, many are in denial about their "perfect" child, so make sure to be convincing. Adderall has become the study drug of choice on high school and college campuses. To give you an idea of how addictive it is, it is a Schedule II controlled drug, right up there with morphine and Oxycontin. You can see the body wasting away, the anxiety, shaking and inability to sleep, but the damage goes far below the surface with serious effects on the heart, digestive system, endocrine system and brain, occasionally leading to psychosis. See our MAR 19 column for more warning signs and health effects. To parents: It is impossible to tell how much weight someone has lost through their clothing. I know of one mother who almost fainted when she finally saw her daughter naked in a case of anorexia. She had no idea, though she saw her daughter daily. If your child has lost weight, and there are other warning signs, consider “accidentally” walking in on him/her in the shower or bedroom to make sure there isn’t something his/her sibling is too afraid to tell you about. Final note: Adolescence continues to age 25. I may sound like a broken record, but if you see the warning signs for Adderall abuse, don’t hesitate to drug test your child without warning. (Keep in mind that amphetamines last only three days in the system.) From all reports I get from today’s youth, they want to be drug tested for cause. They want you to see through their denial (almost all addicts resort to dishonesty — yes, even a child who never lies). Keep some home drug test kits on hand, and know how to use them. I can’t recommend enough www.recoveryhappens.com for high-quality test kits that cost $5 each compared to $40 at Walgreens. Please see their website video for how to properly use them so your child can’t cheat the test. Administered properly, drug tests are truth machines. (BTW: a fit-throwing or steely refusal to take the test is called a “positive".) Home tests are often the first step of an eyes-wide-open journey with a good rehab counselor that can save your child’s life and health. It’s scary to confront your child, but if there’s cause, don’t wimp out. No one else is going to do it if you don’t. Hugs not drugs. —Lauren Straight Talk TNT.ORG is a nonprofit that tackles youth’s toughest issues with youth’s wisest advice.Thanks to donations like yours, our acclaimed column reaches over 1 million people a week. Click here to join our effort with a contribution! Dear Straight Talk: After reading the warning signs of Adderall abuse in your recent column (MAR 19), I'm 99 percent sure my older brother is on Adderall or something similar. He’s paranoid about his grades being perfect so he can get into a top college. Our parents just think he studies very hard, however, we share a room so I know he often stays up most of the night studying. Sometimes all night. He also acts very hyper. When he does try to sleep, he tosses and turns and talks about school in his sleep — all of which makes me lose sleep as well. His appetite has changed, too. He barely eats and has lost a lot of weight. It’s not so obvious when he’s dressed, but seen in his underwear, he’s wasting away. I’m really concerned. I don’t want to go to our parents and get him in trouble, though, since I’m sure he’s getting whatever it is illegally at school. Help! — Concerned Sister, La Habra, Calif. Health - In General, Stress, School - In General, College, Prescription Drugs, 2013-04-02T19:40:13+00:00 http://www.straighttalktnt.com/teen-advice/entry/getting-past-a-false-reputation-in-high-school http://www.straighttalktnt.com/teen-advice/entry/getting-past-a-false-reputation-in-high-school#When:18:51:18Z Editor’s Note: High school. The social pecking order is about as toxic as it gets. Now and then, later in life, you run into social circles with a "gossipy," "macho," or "mean-girl" vibe, but then you're older, wiser, and free, and you can run as from the plague from these unhappy groups posing as happy. In high school, most of you are neither old, wise, or free and you're stuck with these "leaders," the labels they assign, and everyone under them stepping on each other trying to get a leg up. Machiavellian mindset, High School Edition. Today's column dropped several floors deeper with Colin's remark about this. He is correct about the power of rising above the gossip and being friendly and respectful anyway. This is what Jesus, Buddha, Gandhi, Martin Luther King, Nelson Mandela and other spiritual leaders did and why so many followed them then — and now. If you can do this in high school, my hat is off to you. I truly believe that, as humanity evolves, this kind of wisdom is being demonstrated more and more by our young. Take the astonishing movement against slut-shaming. It's an example of this evolved stance to stop casting stones. We are all imperfect and wounded and have no place judging others. In fact, the fastest way for someone to become emotionally healthy (and thus have no interest in things like inappropriate sex, since that is today's topic), is for us all to stop meeting trauma with more trauma. I flat-out guarantee if you investigated "No Slut's" mother's childhood, you would find horrific traumas and abuse. You don't become an alcoholic "who will sleep with anybody" next to your teenage daughters' room without it. If love isn't there to halt things, patterns of abuse pass to the next generation. Witness "No Slut's" sister. The further abuse of these sisters from many of their peers in high school just adds more trauma and less chance of healing. Don't be part of it. To anyone mistreated in high school, or pigeon-holed with a label that keeps you down, it does get better. I say that a lot because it's true. Not all young people have the confidence and skills to remedy their high school mistreatment. We all evolve at different rates and I, for one, was way too shy. Truly, if all you do is keep believing in yourself and graduate with your light shining (even if you're the only one seeing it), you've won. —Lauren Straight Talk TNT.ORG is a nonprofit that tackles youth’s toughest issues with youth’s wisest advice.Thanks to donations like yours, our acclaimed column reaches over 1 million people a week. Click here to join our effort with a contribution! Dear Straight Talk: I’m 16 and my sister (a senior) has the deserved reputation of a "slut." Our mom is an alcoholic who will sleep with anybody, even with my sister and me right in the next room, so I think my sister learned from her example. I am determined NOT to be like them. However, their reputations have rubbed off on me. I'm known as the "slut's sister" at school and many kids assume I'm also a slut. Decent guys (and many girls) want nothing to do with me, the guys who are jerks make sexual comments, and my best friend's mom won't allow her to sleep over. I've done nothing wrong. Please help. — No Slut, Sacramento, Calif. Female Issues , School - In General, Peer Pressure, Bullying, 2013-03-26T18:51:18+00:00 http://www.straighttalktnt.com/teen-advice/entry/academic-doping-with-adderall-not-road-to-excellence http://www.straighttalktnt.com/teen-advice/entry/academic-doping-with-adderall-not-road-to-excellence#When:18:37:46Z Editor's Note: To give you an idea of how serious school is today, most college students get more broken up over a botched test than a botched date. Rising academic expectations along with a tightening job market have driven a frenzy of drug-induced studying (yes… still followed by a frenzy of drug-induced partying — no change there). In the 2012 Monitoring the Future survey, about 6 percent of high school seniors admitted to having misused Adderall or Ritalin. Based on several surveys, 8 to 35 percent of college students report themselves guilty of same. While some misuse is recreational, the overwhelming majority is for upping one’s GPA. These numbers may be low, especially in certain high schools. As panelist, Rachel, says in our SEP 2, 2009 column on this topic, “It seems like I blinked and all these intense pharmaceuticals came into play. I am so surprised at the number of kids using them all the time." Where is everyone getting all these stimulants? According to ABC News, between 2002 and 2010, prescriptions for ADHD drugs went up 46 percent for children under age 18. During that same time frame, there was a 750 percent increase in Adderall prescriptions for women between 26 and 39. Critics call it the new “mother’s little helper” and not really for ADHD. For the college crowd, students claim that it’s easy to find a doctor to write a scrip for just saying, “I can’t concentrate.”  The result: a steady supply of Adderall pills to beg, borrow, swipe, or sell at school for $3-6 a pill. More bad news: Adderall is rapidly replacing Ritalin as the “study drug of choice.” Adderall is an amphetamine so addictive it is a Schedule II controlled substance like Oxycontin and morphine. Considered less risky are Concerta and Ritalin, which are methlphenidates, but they still cause a panoply of nasty side effects listed below. Some good news: ADHD-drug misuse has reached the point that the “brain” of western medicine has spoken. The American Academy of Neurology’s 2012 report on “Pediatric Neuroenhancement” implores doctors to recognize their “moral obligation to prevent misuse of the medication.” This is code for: Write fewer prescriptions. Be wary of parents who want their kid to have a leg-up, teachers who lack imagination in managing boisterous boys, and college students who would be better off with, yes, coffee — or best: good diet, exercise and sleep (the old-fashioned formula for concentrating). Health effects of ADHD-drug abuse are serious: irregular, rapid heartbeat, high blood pressure, insomnia, anxiety, depression, irregular bowels, headaches, twitching, shaking, low libido, impotence, seizures, psychosis, and sudden death. Another concern: The brain’s learned neuro-chemical appetite for amphetamines makes users prone to first-use cocaine and meth addiction down the road. Parents: If your child (including college-age) is showing some of the warning signs (listed at the bottom of the original column in green box above), ask them if they are using study drugs. Don’t be so naïve to think they will cop to the truth — most won’t. If you feel there is cause based on their symptoms, high-quality, inexpensive test kits are available at www.recoveryhappens.com, along with video instructions on how to collect an accurate test. Our columns on drug testing indicate that young people actually want to be drug tested if there is cause. —Lauren Straight Talk TNT.ORG is a nonprofit that tackles youth’s toughest issues with youth’s wisest advice.Thanks to donations like yours, our acclaimed column reaches over 1 million people a week. Click here to join our effort with a contribution! Dear Straight Talk: My very stressed-out son admitted using Adderall as a "study drug." He says he needs it to be competitive. He buys it at high school for $3 a pill, saying, "you can get it everywhere." I had no idea this was such a widespread problem in competitive high schools and colleges. We’ve been helping him focus without it, and keep telling him lower grades are better than using drugs to get A’s. Please sound the alarm for other parents. — Concerned Father, Laguna Niguel, Calif. School - In General, College, Stress, Prescription Drugs, 2013-03-19T18:37:46+00:00 http://www.straighttalktnt.com/teen-advice/entry/hung-up-over-using-the-facility-we-dont-think-so http://www.straighttalktnt.com/teen-advice/entry/hung-up-over-using-the-facility-we-dont-think-so#When:19:31:05Z Editor's Note: So, are we hung-up about "bathroom functions"? Citizens of ancient Rome would certainly think so. For them, le 'bowel movement' was a social affair. In their beautifully-decorated public lavatories, people sat defecating together while discussing the day's affairs. The public lavatory, with as many as 50 sit-spots perched cheek-to-cheek in rows, was the standard for much of the Europe during this time. Many city homes had lavatories, too, and even there, two or three toilets were the norm. Nobody late for school in early Rome! Fast forward through the fall of Rome and the horrifying Dark Ages, which completely lacked sanitation technology such as sewers and baths, to early America and the great frontier, featuring the chamber pot, the outhouse, and the indoor "closet" containing, essentially, a seat positioned over a litter box. All these methods of what we, today, call "using the restroom," were mostly solo affairs, however, some can still remember outhouses with two or three seats lined up in a row. Safety in numbers? Vestiges of Roman togetherness? When the modern flush toilet was invented, the closet location held sway, only now it was called a "water closet." Thus, the toilet had its own sensible tiny room, separate from the sink and tub. Unfortunately, the closet design has mostly gone out of style — much to the strain of families living in one-bathroom homes, as evidenced by our mail. (Architects and design-builders, are you listening?) As a girl growing up in the 60s and 70s, (our tour of toilets and privacy continues with exciting first-person research), stealth investigations of several boys' bathrooms revealed that their toilet stalls had no doors, or if there was a random door, it didn't lock! We girls were aghast. To us, this lack of privacy was one of those unfortunate things about being born a boy — that, and having to go to war. Today, all public lavatories in America, both men's and women's, are required by OSHA to have locking doors on the stalls. (And now, both girls and boys go to war. Contemplate that next time you're in the loo.) So, to anyone in "Hung-Up?'s" situation, or to parents who think their kids are unreasonable, you're not and they're not. Right now, privacy is the norm. Where it will be in the year 2525 is anyone's guess. —Lauren Straight Talk TNT.ORG is a nonprofit that tackles youth’s toughest issues with youth’s wisest advice.Thanks to donations like yours, our acclaimed column reaches over 1 million people a week. Click here to join our effort with a contribution! Dear Straight Talk: I'm 16 with a 14-year-old sister and 11-year-old brother. We live with our mom in a three-bedroom apartment with only one bathroom. Everyone needs to get ready at the same time in the morning. Our mom says she and her sisters shared the bathroom, including “using the facility,” and it never was a problem. Since we don't care to, she says we're "overly modest" and have "serious hang-ups" about bathroom functions. We aren't shy about undressing in front of each other, however, we think it's reasonable to want privacy for certain functions. What do you think? — Hung-Up? Family Life - In General, Sibling Issues, Female Issues , Menstruation , Nudity, 2013-03-12T19:31:05+00:00